Janine is a mediator who has also trained in conflict coaching, restorative justice and non-violent communication. Formerly she was a partner of the City firm, Slaughter and May where she was a corporate and commercial lawyer, and since then has delivered sessions to schools and other organisations about handling conflict. She had already given one talk to a small group of WISE members on the theory behind different ways of resolving disputes, but on this occasion was asked to give an experiential session to demonstrate the principles. Janine did this by asking us to engage in four practical exercises.

The first of these was to form a pair and for one person to tell the other about an argument they were having (or had in the past). The other person had to ask 5 questions and listen to the answers but say nothing more. The listener was to be empathetic rather than sympathetic. The questions were:

1. What happened?
2. What are you feeling about this?
3. What are your thoughts about this?
4. What do you need right now?
5. What can you do to help solve the problem?

Janine said that the person with the problem is much more likely to come to a compromise or solution to the argument if they are shown empathy. Further it is essential to find out fully what is going on before considering possible solutions, so the ordering of the questions is critical. The challenge for those of us that were listeners was to refrain from offering suggestions, as this is often unhelpful when we lack a complete understanding of the circumstances and the emotions engendered.

Following the first exercise, one participant pointed out that, while it was all very well being empathetic when not involved in a dispute, it was much harder when you are. Janine explained the neuroscience behind this. In particular when we are involved in a serious argument, our neuronal empathy systems are turned off and our brain goes into fight or flight mode. She demonstrated in a role-play how our tendency then is to argue back, blame the other person or run away. The next exercise was about how we counter these natural impulses and do something different.

The second exercise required us to summon up some acting skills, simulating a dispute between 2 neighbours. Neighbour A was sitting down and Neighbour B came in to complain. Neighbour A had to:

• Build rapport (visual and verbal – for example by matching the other’s voice and stance, before trying to “bring down” the level of the complaint)
• Listen and reflect back
• Show understanding of B’s reality
• Establish what B needed
• Ask what B wanted to happen

As part of the exercise, Neighbor A was not to argue back, justify their behavior or refute the criticism. At the end of the exercise, we compared notes about what we had done, and reflected on the research that effective communication is 50% body language, 40% tone of voice and 10% words.

Exercise 3 was a variation on the previous scenario, where Neighbor B (still the complainant) tried to approach Neighbor A in a manner designed to reduce conflict by:

1. Building rapport
2. Using “I” statements such as

• “I feel …………………..(describe how you are feeling about it)”
• “Because ………………(describe the consequence or result for you)”

1. Enabling resolution by expressing what B needed: “So what I need…….”

Neighbour B was asked to avoid ordering, threatening, blaming, labelling or moralising.

Exercise 4 was done as a group and we looked at various different scenarios to establish who had the problem, and whether our role was to coach (where the problem doesn’t involve us), express our concerns without blame (where we have the problem with someone else), understand and empathise (where another person has a problem with us) or mediate (when we each have a problem with the other). Janine explained at the outset that she deliberately talked about wise ways to handle conflict, rather than conflict resolution, as there are occasions where it is too dangerous or inappropriate to try to resolve the conflict, or even where a good row is necessary to clear the air!

It was clear that, although there is a huge amount of psychology theory behind how to handle conflict, as future “practitioners” the important thing was to put into practice the skills we had learnt in these exercises. For those who wanted to know more about the theory, Janine recommended “Empathy” by Roman Krznaric 2014 or “Zero Degrees of Empathy” by Simon Baron-Cohen (2011).  (Summary: Sarah Zins)

Sarah has now retired from a career in law and finance and has spent the last 10 years volunteering for one day a week as an advisor at Leiston CAB. Before Sarah explained her role as a volunteer she gave a brief resume of the history and structure of the CAB.

Citizens Advice Bureaux were set up in 1939. Initially the 200 bureaux looked at how to meet the needs of a civilian population in war-time where the problems of lost ration books, homelessness and evacuation, missing persons and debt quickly became issues. When funding ceased after the war various charities stepped in including the Rowntree and Nuffield Foundations. Over the following decades the number of bureaus declined from 1074 to 416 until in 1973 there was a government grant to extend the national network.

Over the years the topics have expanded to include advice on consumer problems, employment rights, pensions and witness advice, covered now in several languages to reflect the ethnic diversity of the population.

The fundamental principles remain: that the advice should be free, impartial, independent and confidential and accessible to all citizens. The majority of those citizens are low wage earners who are statistically five times more likely to seek help. Advisors come from all backgrounds and receive extensive training of 3-12 months complete with study packs on topics such housing, benefits, relationship and money problems, before starting in the bureaux.

There are now CABS throughout the country in 3300 community locations with 22,000 volunteers and 6500 paid employees. They are co-ordinated through a central CA umbrella, which sets out strategy and provides information technology to the bureaux, training modules and a formidable database where advice is available on all topics accessible in any branch. If further specialist advice is required voluntary advisors can refer a client to the relevant paid CAB expert within its geographical area.

Sarah then explained how it works for a trained volunteer when a client comes into the bureau to seek help. Having had CAB permission, she logged onto the adviser information system and we produced various fictional scenarios. The database asked relevant questions or gave specific options to the adviser to break down each scenario into concise information about procedure, where to seek further help, and in benefit cases, exactly how much was eligible given the individual’s circumstances. The quality and breadth of the advice was remarkable as was the user friendly structure for an adviser. The labyrinthine bureaucracy of life’s difficulties made manageable and approachable for all!

Sarah’s description of her own time spent as an adviser illuminated what an invaluable national asset the CAB is for anyone in the community needing help and reassurance, as well as a worthwhile and challenging occupation for those wishing to volunteer.  (Summary: Kerstin Davey)

Blair gave an illustrated talk on her work as the director of the Ethiopian Heritage Fund www.ethiopianheritagefund.org/. Founded in 2005, the stated aim of the charity is to preserve the cultural heritage of the Christian churches in Ethiopia.

As an introduction to the work of the charity, Blair gave an overview of the early Christian civilisations and cultures mostly located in the northern highlands of the country, followed by a sketch of the political history.

The talk focussed on a number of projects. The conservation two 6^th century Gospels, Garima I and II was the first work undertaken. The talk highlighted the difficulty of working in remote places amongst the monks, taking the right equipment and finding a place to work that would not damage the books.

Another issue for conservation was highlighted by a 15^th century ceremonial fan. Five foot high and constructed of parchment it is covered in paintings of Mary and saints. In 2010 the charity carried out some remedial work. However, as tourism increases, so is the number of times this fan is opened. How long will it last?

The charity is currently working with the World Monuments Fund on a joint project to conserve wall paintings in Yemrehanne Kristos. The paintings are the oldest in Ethiopia (10^th century). Darkened by years of candles and dust the paintings are hard to see. After careful consideration, the charity recommended no dusting or cleaning as there was no way to ensure that the paintings would not be damaged. Conservation does not always mean action.

This icon is from Hayq in northern Ethiopia, home to the Istifanos
monastery. It was consecrated after restoration.

A particularly interesting strand of the talk concerned the difficulties of conservation work on the ground in this region. The monks who guard the treasures can be uncooperative or even hostile, and there are many problems related to bureaucracy, obstacles created by other official bodies, and general misunderstanding of the role and capacity of the Charity, which is funding the care and restoration of the fragile pieces. However, the work continues where possible. There is the hope of creating a small museum, and another bright prospect is £750000 of EU grant money coming to Tigre for conservation of their heritage.

The talk gave us an intriguing glimpse of the valuable work done by the Fund.  (Summary: Janey King)

Janine Edge has been a lawyer, a university lecturer in organisational psychology and a mediator. She is also trained in conflict coaching, restorative justice facilitation and non-violent communication. For the last 7 years she has been involved in bringing mediators into schools to train school students in mediation skills, both in New Zealand and the UK.

Only five of us were able to attend Janine’s talk as many people were busy. The talk was so interesting that we decided not to write up a summary here but to run it later in the year when more people can attend. So just to summarise for the future: Janine has adapted Thomas Gordon’s ‘problem ownership’ model for resolving conflicts into a hands-on, practical tool that can be used in a variety of everyday situations, and that she hopes to take to schools for use by teachers and students. When Janine gives the talk next time she will ask us to practically test the usefulness of the methods she has developed.

We will hope to schedule Janine’s talk for the autumn and will post the date on ‘Future Events’.

Sarah has worked in international development for over 30 years. In 2005 and the London 7/7 bombings, she was asked to carry out studies more specifically on the issues around radicalisation, extremism, terrorism etc. Sarah explained at the outset that her methods were very much based on the personal testimonies of individuals, rather than as Jane described in her work on the ageing brain where she used statistically significant trial results.

Sarah’s work has focused on testing the UK government’s “theories” on radicalisation with people in communities where jihadi groups are recruiting (including the Taliban in Afghanistan, al-Shabaab in Somalia and Kenya, Boko Haram in Nigeria and a range of groups in Pakistan and Bangladesh). Questions tested include: is western foreign policy the problem? Do very religious people hold the most extreme views? Do madrassahs (religious schools) radicalise pupils? And are women involved or are they just there because they are married to fighters? To help everyone’s understanding, Sarah went on to define terms such as “radicalisation” which she saw as “a process of influencing others into a system of ideas that advocates fundamental political or social change”. She noted that since 9/11 the term has been ‘Islamised’, so it now means anyone who is inculcated into the ideology of a militant Islamic group. The concept of “jihad” was also discussed. Originally this meant the internal spiritual struggle to understand the will of god. It implied a physical struggle only if Muslims were persecuted. However, as used by jihadi groups today this term has come to mean a violent war against any ‘enemy’ identified by the group in question, including fellow Muslims, usually with a view to establishing a Caliphate and ruling through the group’s own interpretation of Shari’a (Islamic law).

Sarah then went on to describe two case studies in radicalisation, one from a farmer in a rural area of the Punjab, and another a woman in Nigeria who had been kidnapped by Boko Haram. She said that there tend to be some common features amongst the individuals. For example, nearly all of them are radicalised only after they joined a group; only in the case of Islamic State does the internet allow for radicalisation before individuals ‘join up’. Whichever group the men and women belong to, a number of them want “out” at a certain point, for example because they lose respect of their leaders and/or the brutality becomes too much. Women and girls generally get involved either as family members of fighters or, in the case of Boko Haram in Nigeria, because they are abducted and forced into marriage with a fighter. In either case, it can be difficult to find a way back unless they escape, and even if they do escape they may well be ostracised within their communities back at home.

Some of the main differences between individuals radicalised in different countries is that there is no common background – many are not very religious when recruited, some are poor and rural and others are wealthy and highly educated. Further, some governments have been complicit in some way and even if not, due to the geopolitics, there are many ways that governments can support jihadi groups even if not directly. Thus there is no one overarching sense of commitment globally to stamp out this form of “war” because no-one can agree a joint strategy.

Sarah then considered the response of the UK government, such as not condemning those governments supporting jihadi groups, or the US drone strikes. This led to an interesting discussion about the way to deal with jihadis who wish to return. There is no offer of amnesty to those who have gone to join IS, even when they realise they have made a horrible mistake. Presumably this is because they are considered a risk to the UK, but given they themselves have wanted to return, are there ways for the potential risk to be assessed?   And what role is the media playing in the views of those who feel threatened by those who wish to return.

This final point lead to ideas about a further topic in respect of the role and power of the media, which we hope to return to on a future date.  (Summary: Caroline Fisher)

Caroline is a child care solicitor working for local government.  She provides legal advice to child care workers on children going through legal proceedings. Of her caseload, many of the children either have parents who were in care themselves or the families have been known to social care for many years. By the time Caroline becomes involved and the case comes to court, the harm suffered by the children is so severe that few children are returned to their parents.

Caroline explained that the state intervenes to protect children from “significant harm”. This is defined as being caused by physical and emotional harm often resulting in chronic neglect, and sexual abuse. Significant harm can result from several factors including parental misuse of drugs and/or alcohol, poor parental mental health and/or a learning difficulty and, increasingly, alcohol-fuelled violence. If children witness domestic violence this can be seen as emotional abuse.

In England, the first Children Act was passed in 1889 and, in 1894, the subsequent Act recognised mental cruelty, now termed emotional harm. It was not until 1970 that all councils’ social work services, including those for children, were amalgamated into social services departments.

Certain child murders have been significant in changing the way sentencing and children at risk are supported. For example, in 1973 Maria Colwell’s death in the care of her stepfather resulted in a public enquiry when the case went to appeal. This identified three main contributory factors: the lack of communication between the agencies who were aware of her vulnerable situation; inadequate training for social workers assigned to at-risk children; and changes in the make-up of society.

Caroline also discussed adoption. She noted that in the UK the vast majority of children offered for adoption have suffered harm, either from the care given to them by their parents, or in utero. Two serious conditions that cause harm in the womb is foetal alcohol syndrome, the effects of which do not appear until school age, and the misuse of drugs, where treatment in a special baby unit is required to enable their withdrawal. The only children offered for adoption who are unlikely to have suffered harm are “relinquished” babies whose mother or parents decide for their own reasons that they cannot care for their baby (e.g. if it would bring shame on their families, or if they are very young).

Caroline talked about changes in the training approach for professionals. Nowadays the focus is on always believing the child. In the past, parents were regarded as the client and not the child. Now, as well as social workers, health visitors and the GP on the multi agency team, there are Children’s guardians who are the independent voice of the child in court.

The 1989 Children Act centres on the idea that children are best cared for within the birth family and therefore, the threshold to remove children from their families is extremely high from the outset. The social worker will have worked with the family sometimes for years before court proceedings are issued, usually with other agencies under a Child Protection Plan. If this does not lead to a change for the child(ren), legal proceedings will be issued. However, if during legal proceedings, work with the family appears to have lead to positive change, the Local Authority may ask for rehabilitation back to their parents. Often the Social Worker, sometimes supported by the children’s Guardian in the legal proceedings, will seek adoption (or placement with other family members). A Judge may nonetheless overrule their professional opinion and return a child to her or his parents.

(Note: Since this talk was given, the case of Ellie Butler has been in the media. This was a case where the culture that children are best cared for by their parents was a significant factor in Mrs Justice Hogg overruling the opinion of the Social Workers, and deciding that Ellie should be cared for by her father, rather than her grandparents where she was being well cared for. Ellie was returned to her father and died in his care.)

Finally Caroline discussed two children who had suffered fractures to illustrate the difficulties that social workers, solicitors and the courts face. On the face of it the two cases seemed similar: there were other siblings, the home conditions were “suboptimal” but “good enough”, and the medical view was of “non accidental injuries”. Baby A, however, was in fact Baby P who was severely malnourished and died. The other baby is doing well.  (Summary: Jane Maxim)

The title of Janey’s talk reflects a desire that she often hears, including by women like us, who want to find a creative way of reflecting on life’s experiences. Janey said that such ‘creative writing’ has many benefits, but writing as a career – when you have to earn a living – is a different thing altogether. As a full-time writer for 36 years she focused her talk not on ‘how to write’ but on what a would-be author needs to know about the book business. In short what you are up against if you decide to make writing your career.

Janey wove the commercial aspects of the book business and the importance of personal networks and self-presentation, into a story involving three characters: Jennifer, an aspiring young author, Will, her literary agent and Emily who becomes her editor. We are first introduced to Jennifer who has talent, determination and a novel already in draft. She needs a literary agent (enter Will), who she fortuitously finds through her brother. This is lucky because literary agents are bombarded with scripts every day. Will likes her draft and he takes her on; she writes a fourth draft under his direction. Will’s job is then to ‘sell’ the idea of Jennifer (who is attractive, an advantage) and her novel to a publishing house. He is ambitious, skilful, and he knows the business. He succeeds. A publishing company picks up the novel after they decide it has real potential. Emily, as Jennifer’s editor, is now able to make her a financial offer: an advance of £100k for two books. Success! It sounds as though she is on her way to a successful writing career…but is she?

At this point Janey switched our attention to the financial aspects of the book business. She had already mentioned that Will’s company, as her literary agents, would take 15% of her UK and Commonwealth earnings and 20% of any translation rights. But that was just the beginning. On any book sale, hardback or paperback, about half of the recommended retail price (RRP) goes to the retailers; then there are printing, editing, publishing and distribution costs. The rest is divided up between publishers, literary agent and author. The author’s share is based on a sliding scale, but it is not high (7.5% of a paperback RRP up to 50k copies; 9% thereafter). If Jennifer’s novel is to make back the £50k her publisher’s have agreed to pay her (let alone a profit on top of that) then it will have to break through the ‘normal’ ceilings for a first novel and become a top seller. Emily’s firm have taken a punt and think it will do this. But what if they are wrong? What if, despite their best marketing efforts, the novel does not attain the sales they predict?

Janey noted that there is nothing worse for an author than being given a big unearned advance. If the novel does not make the sales expected then the author’s future dims. Jennifer may find it difficult to find a literary agent and a publisher a second time; Will and Emily will shift their attention to the next rising star. But, as Janey said, even though only a few authors make big money there are many types of author and many ways of getting one’s work into print. Her final message to us: ‘Perhaps we should satisfy ourselves with simply saying, as I do nowadays: ‘Of course, what I really want to do is READ’. I think the aspiring writers amongst us quietly agreed.  (Summary: Sarah Ladbury)

Inaugural Event

Jane gave a brief introduction to brain function, and outlined the characteristics of the ageing brain before summarising current research findings.

One the dark side, dementias – of which Alzheimer’s is the most usual form – are common in old people. Past 80, one individual in 6 will suffer. Women are slightly more at risk of Alzheimer’s, although more men than women will have vascular dementias. An unfortunate 10% of affected individuals will suffer from both forms. Mild cognitive impairment is yet another form of dementia, and this general-sounding term functions as a diagnosis in itself.

On the brighter side, East Anglia has lower rates of dementia than the general population – although the reason for this is not yet known. And it also appears that moderate alcohol intake in later life reduces the risk…

Jane then turned to consideration of what we might do to prevent or delay any possible onset. She was able to tell us that without doubt aerobic exercise is the best resort: meta-data studies of the research literature are statistically significant. Exercise increases cognitive ability and decreases dementia risk, even if the individual starts late in life and has never exercised before. The exercise must be aerobic – ie raise the heart rate – and be sustained for 20-30 minutes for proper effect. A minimum of 150 minutes per week is recommended, and even gardening and housework as well as brisk walking can count, according to some American data, so long as the heart beats faster.

In concluding, Jane said that the answer to her own ‘must we Use it or Lose it’ question is – in summary – yes and no. Exercise is the best weapon against impairment, but it also seems that brain preservation is more readily achieved if it is communal and sociable. The best recipe might be to combine a range of activities, with exercise boosted by a range of mental challenges such as bridge, crosswords, studying a new subject, maintaining a foreign language, or learning a new one – not necessarily spoken. Learning/practising music would be excellent, for example.

The talk then opened out into questions about distant and recent memories, names, and problems or ease in accessing these. Finally there was a lively exchange of individual suggestions for exercise disciplines and mental stimuli, from walking to joining a choir to visiting the housebound. One or two people expressed surprise that exercise plays such a crucial role, yet it seems that most of us, whether newly retired or on the point of retiring, have our personal recipes for maintaining physical activity and mental alertness.

Thanks are due to Jane Maxim for summing up the recent research and current expert insights with such precision, and for answering our questions in relation to these.  (Summary: Janey King)

I was intrigued and curious to receive an email from Jane Maxim, a good friend of 30 years, headed ‘Women: Ideas, Skills, Experience’. She was inviting me to a talk in Aldeburgh where she was going to discuss her work with a group of other women.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that over the previous 30 years I had never once questioned Jane in detail about her formidable academic career. Why not? It certainly wasn’t from lack of interest. I began to reflect on how little I really knew about the professional lives of women I know apart from giving them the relevant job title: academic, author, lawyer, artist, retailer…

Jane’s talk was to be the first meeting of WISE, an all-women group. I admit that I went with some trepidation as I am not a devotee of anything which is ‘all women’ except perhaps sybaritic spa breaks. There was also the lingering doubt that as someone who had never had a profession I shouldn’t be there anyway!

The group WISE has been created to offer women the structure and time to learn more about their peers’ diverse professional lives, and to share knowledge, expertise and opinions.

We all know that presenting a talk is no easy business. You only have to attend a Literary Festival lecture to realise that however eminent you are in your field, if you can’t hold the audience attention the lecture will fall flat.

However, we have been fortunate that the speakers so far have all been passionate about their work and have been able to convey this with structure and clarity. What has been interesting is their different styles of delivery– which so far have mirrored their work.
Janey King (author Rosie Thomas) chose to write and read us the story of a young aspiring novelist to illustrate the competitive, mercenary world of publishing.
Jane Maxim gave a lecture backed up with academic research and clinical trial material to illustrate her argument.

Caroline Fisher provided us with a written framework of legal guidelines used by social workers and the local authority solicitor when weighing up whether a child should be left with its family or taken into care. However, her style was fluid and open to question and answer throughout. I felt this reflected her working environment where she must listen, evaluate and then respond within the parameters of the law.

I recommend that you come as a guest to WISE if you live in the Aldeburgh area, and of course, only if you are a woman!

Kerstin Davey

We would like to hear from any participant who has enjoyed a session and we welcome comments and further thoughts on any discussion. Please send to Janey King by clicking here and she will post them for you.